Eli's Birth Story

Even though this is my third home birth experience, it is the first time I’ve actually sat down to write out my birth story. And it’s certainly the first time I’ve ever shared publicly about my birthing experience. I thought of keeping it to myself since it’s so darn personal but I wanted to share about my experience since I’m passionate about natural birthing and helping women to believe in their ability to birth their babies. I thought that if my story helped remove some of the stigma surrounding home birth and maybe even encouraged another mama contemplating an intervention- free birth herself, then it would be worth it for me in the end to share our story.

I wanted to write it out now vs later so that I remember alllllll the details while its fresh in my mind but also so that writing the story doesn’t end up on my “to-do list of things that I never get to.” (all the moms know what I’m talking about.)

So here goes. In all its raw, un-edited glory - the birth of baby Eli.

My other two births were with a midwife I have grown to love and trust for many years. Unfortunately, I no longer live in the town where she practices. So when I found out I was pregnant in a totally new city, it was a very difficult and stressful task for me to find a new midwife that I trusted and felt comfortable with this time around.

It was so hard, in fact, that I interviewed countless midwives and birthing centers around town, and still couldn’t make up my mind for the longest time. I ended up“settling” with one based on a friends’ referral, but still felt like we didn’t connect on so many levels. As the pregnancy progressed, it became more and more clear that this midwife and I were not on the “same page” and I did not feel comfotable with her care. I ended up switching to an entire new birth team at 37 weeks pregnant!

Yes, you heard me right. I switched my provider at 37 weeks pregnant!

There were many reasons I felt I absolutely had to make the switch but the primary reason was that I didn’t feel comfortable with the care I was provided with.

Wild, I know. Even a tiny bit crazy, yes. But I feel fully confident in my decision and I am so glad I made the last minute switch. Its so important to be on the same page with your midwife or OBGYN that will deliver your baby. Making the switch so late in my pregnancy was definitely stressful, especially with figuring out insurance, etc. But once I found someone new I loved and trusted and the switch was finalized, I felt so darn relieved. I only wished I had the courage and wisdom to have made the switch earlier in my pregnancy.

I only saw Maggie for 1 or 2 checkups before giving birth.

With my previous births, I have had extremely fast and agressive labors. My first birth was 5 hours from the time my water broke to the time my son was born and my second birth was 7 hours, both with zero “warm up” contractions. In other words, I usually go straight into active labor with contractions 3-1 minutes apart. So I was totally prepared for this to be fast and furious like the other two.

But the thing about natural birth that I’ve learned is that you cannot expect anything!

Birth is so unpredictable and every birth is different and unique that it forces you to totally surrender to the process.

I want to be totally candid about how I was feeling about giving birth for a third time. This time around I was actually terrified of going into labor. The last few weeks before my due date I started to have alot of anxiety about contractions and pain.

This was not my first rodeo, guys. I was fully aware of what I was about to get myself into. I wasn’t delusional or even blissfully unaware like I had been with my first birth. I knew darn well what was coming. The unimaginable pain, the feeling of wanting to escape my own body with no way out, the fear and panick that had set in when I experienced difficulty in labor with my second.

But what I’ve learned about fear and worry is that it can either 1) totally conquer and defeat you or 2) you can choose to accept and embrace your fears and then walk courageously towards them with a plan of action.

So after letting the fear totally conquer me for several weeks, I decided it was time that I came up with an action plan for this birth. And I truly belive it made all the difference in terms of carrying me through the entire labor and birth process.

Talking with a few natural birthing friends and my sister (who has birthed 5 babies!) for some pre labor encouragement helped a lot too.

I think actually admitting how terrified I was to myself out loud was the first healthy step I took. I acknowledged the fear of the pain, the fear of not being able to do it again, etc. I walked myself through each scenario that was causing me worry. I surrendered to not knowing how it would start, end, etc. I gave up control. I decided to walk couragiously towards my birth with a warrior mentality, not defeated before it even began.

I decided that I would tell myelf positive affirmation thoughts during every single non contraction rest break that I got during my labor.

I decided I would not allow myself to accept defeat.

I decided I would not allow myself to panick, give fear a window of opportunity, or even scream through my contractions like I had with my last labor.

I would surrendor.

I would breath.

I would take every single breath that wasn’t a contraction and encourage myself and prepare for the next wave of pain.

I could get through one minute of pain. Just one minute of pain at a time.

If I felt stuck, I would try something new. I would move positions, I would stretch, I would squat, I would walk.

I could do this.

I’ve done this before.

My body knew what it was doing.

I would not fear or panick.

There was purpose to each and every surge of pain. It meant I was closer to meeting my baby boy.

The more intense the pain, the closer I was getting to meeting him.

I am strong and powerful.

God would help me.

My faith and prayer has played an enormous role throughout each and every labor of mine. I think I must have prayed out loud and in whispers in between contractions pretty much throughout Eli’s entire birth and I’m sure with my other births too.

So on to the actual birth. On Thursday, April 9th, the contractions came. Techincally, at this point I was somehwere around 39 weeks (I say “somewhere” because I had two due dates in my mind - my real due date was technically April 13th according to the midwives but I was going by April 5th based on our actual conception date).

So anyway, the contractions came on slowly around 3:30 on Thursday afternoon. They started so slowly, I wasn’t even sure at first if they were labor pains. I had never felt this slow labor before. When they started intensifying a bit around 5:00, I told my husband to sign out of work, this could be it. I quickly made dinner for the kids and then called my mom to let her know the baby would probably be coming tonight. I went to the room after dinner and got my mind in a good place. The contractions were coming about every 20 minutes but they were totally manageble at this point. So manageable that I decided to make cookies with the kids that night, all while having contractions. Around 7:30 the contractions were still manageable but coming more fequently - anywhere from 3 minutes to 15 minutes apart. I thought for sure the baby was coming tonight, especially with my track record!

I texted the midwife to be on alert - she knew my history of really fast labor and deliveries.

But when It was 10:00 and they were still only 15 minutes apart, I decided I should atleast try to get to sleep. Turns out, I didn’t sleep one hour that night. Every time I would fall asleep, I would wake up with a really strong contraction - still spaced out quite a bit between each one. I remember I was SO HOT. Sweating all night. Also that night I made SOO many trips to the bathroom. I think my body was totally clearing out to prepare for birth. In hindsight, I should have drank more water to replace all the liquids I was loosing.

They got really intense around midnight. I texted the midwife and asked her to come at that time. She (and the backup midwife) arrived somewhere around 1 or 2:00 in the morning. I remember feeling bad that I had made them come in the middle of the night. I felt bad because I still wasn’t sure if they would continue to be intense or they would die off slowly.

It felt odd not knowing if this was it or we would have to wait it out a few more hours until the contractions stayed consistently close together.

My midwife checked to see if I was dialted when she arrived. I was 5-6 centimeters dialated.

The midwives started to set up the birth pool somewhere around 3:00 in the morning. I was in bed, with the lights out, sort of in my own world. Focusing on my breathing. Holding my husbands hand and praying as I allowed each contraction to come and go as it pleased. I wasn’t afraid. I wouldn’t allow myself to be afraid any longer. I had surrendered to the process. I repeated all those affirmations in my mind.

I have no idea how many hours passed while I layed in bed - time is a tricky thing to track in labor.

My midwife asked if I wanted to get into the birth pool but I said no. I wanted to reserve that until the end, when it was my “last resort” for pain management. I remember realizing that the more I layed in bed, the slower the contractions would keep coming. I knew my body needed to move to get things moving along. So I made lots of trips to the bathroom. I had my birth ball set up in there and for some reason it felt good (good meaning “prodcutive contractions”) when I sat on the toilet for them vs laying in bed. It also felt nice to not have so many peoples eyes on me. I would labor on the ball, do a few hip stretches and have a few really strong contractions on the toilet in privacy.

I don’t remember what time it was, but I remember around 5 in the morning, my midwife suggested that I get up and walk. She had me do “elephant walks” down the hall, to get things moving more quickly. She said she wanted me to stay upright through my contractions. And boy did that ever work. They started immediately. I wanted to sit down because they were coming so strongly and I wanted to escape the pain. But then I remembered I wasn’t going to try to escape. I was going to breath with the pain and help push the baby down with each pain. She had me go through a few more contractions standing up and leaning on my husband.

After that, I decided to get into the birth pool. I remember being slightly annoyed that the pool wasn’t filled up high enough but I was in too much pain and in my own world to speak or ask someone to fill it up higher. I was too focused. Hyperfocused on using every single non painful breath to encourage myself. Not to give up. I held my husbands hand. Looking back now, I am laughing because I was squeezing his hand so dang hard during every contraction and it just so happen to be the hand he recently injured pretty badly in the pool with the kids.

My mom arrived around 7 in the morning. I felt a huge sense of relief knowing someone would be there with the kids when they woke up - it was almost perfect timing. I wonder if my body was holding off until she got there.

I distinctly remember a phrase I said to myself over and over again that helped me though every single pain. “I am stronger than this next contraction and Gods power lives inside me” - I don’t know where I came up with it or if it came to me on its own but it is what came out of me in every breath and it is literally what carried me through to the end.

It got so intense, there is no amount of words that can describe that type of pain. Your body is in total shock and disbelief. Your words that you speak over yourself are so powerful. They have the power to carry you and your baby through to the end or the power to overcome you until you give up and fail.

I remember I was birthing on my knees in the birth pool, holding my husbands hand when those last really hard contractions came. Instead of staying on my hands/knees to “endure the pain,” I decided to “help” the contractions be more productive and help the baby come down. I would lift up onto my knees and let gravity help during each one.

I did that about 4 times and then I knew it was time to push.

I pushed with everything I had. I pushed three times and wondered if this was it. I asked the midwife if she thought I was close. “Do you think he is almost here?!” I asked in total despration. She said yes, that he was very close to being here.

That gave me the motivation and determination I needed.

I pushed again, with everything I had. I felt a shift in my pelvis. I pushed again.

I reached down to see if I could feel him coming. I was so relieved when I felt him!! The top of his head, a full head of soft baby hair. I could feel it and I was overjoyed that he was almost here and this was all almost over.

I pushed one or two more times, through the “ring of fire” pain (wow - nothing in the entire world can prepare you for that pain). His head came out fully. His body came out fully into the water in the next push. The midwives handed him over to me and I felt sweet precious joy and relief flooding my entire body. He was so calm. He wasn’t crying. His eyes were open, looking right into my soul. I held him in the water, with his head out and let his body enjoy the warm water for a few minutes. It was so peaceful. Nothing can describe the joy and intense love you feel in that moment. All the emotions - joy, relief, disbelief, love, exhaustion, all together in one place.

We stayed in the birth pool for goodness knows how long. Just staring at him in disblief. He was finally here. It was all finally over.

We let the kids and my mom come in some time after to meet and hold him. It is my favorite thing to watch them meet their new sibling. My son was sweet enough to let my daughter hold him first, saying “she can go first because its her first time being a big sister.”

My birth story wouldn’t be complete and honest without me telling you the complications I exprienced afterwards.

After getting a few stiches (very minimal stiching), the midwives told me that I needed to get up and go pee. I tried to sit up. When I sat up, I felt a flood of dizziness. I walked to the bathroom and when I got there to sit down I felt I was going to pass out. I started losing consciousness very quickly. I had loss too much fluids and blood. The midwives laid me back down. They had to give me pitossin (I cant remember exactly why but it has to do with the uterous not contracting the way it should and the bladder not emptying). They helped stabilize me in bed. They made me smell ammonia to help me stay with them. They tried to have me use a bed pan but I couldn’t feel my bladder and it was so uncomfotable. My midwife had to leave for another birth. The back up midwife stayed to care for me. At this point, things had calmed down and I was stable. She wanted me to go try again to go pee about 30 minutes later. I tried to sit up and as soon as I did, I fell backwards and started to lose conciousness again. They used amonia packets again to keep me from losing consciousness. I will admit, at this time, I started to go into a full blown panick. I hate passing out, it is scary. I was scared. They said I needed IV fluids, but the midwife had left to another birth. They called her and had her come back ASAP. Luckily she was there in just a few minutes. They stabilized me and were able to keep me conscious until she arrived.

She hooked me up on an IV as soon as she arrived with a bag of fluids/electrolytes. She suspected I lost too much blood and didn’t drink enough fluids during labor. I had my mom, my husband and the two midwives all holding my hand telling me I would be ok. They gave me another shot of pitossin in my thigh, since I still hadn’t been able to go pee. I tried again on the bed pan, it didn’t work.

They said at this point they have to give me a catheter (for some reason this is one of my greatest fears). I had a lot of anxiety while they were putting it in. I didn’t understand why this was all happening to me. With my last birth, I remember I was able to take a shower afterwards and had no issues using the restroom or sitting up.

The cathader did its job and emptied my bladder to help normalize the uteruous situation. I felt better after getting the fluids.

It was all a blur. I had a rough recovery to say the least. The events that took palce after were far more difficult than the birth itself. It took me days to be able to get up and walk to my toilet, which was just a few steps from my bed. I felt dizzy all the time when I wasn’t laying down.

But I got stronger every day. I tried to rest as much as I could, as much as my busy-bodied self hates to lay and do nothing. I enjoyed all the snuggles. I tried to sleep when the baby slept.

To replace all the scary events that took place after giving birth, I tried to think of how thankful I was that he was finally here and sweet he was. And that it was all over, I hope I can say honestly I was so grateful that labor and birth was all over and I finally had my third baby in my arms. And boy was he heaven sent!

I am so grateful I get to be a mama to this sweet boy.

I also just want to emphasize that even though I did experience those complications after delivery, by no means would that ever deter me from having my babies at home. No, its not always peaches and roses but no birth is perfect. I would never have had it any other way.